3 Stances: Nondefended Learning

Contemplative Dialogue consists of three interrelated "stances" or "practices":

• Contemplative Noticing or Mindfulness
• Nondefended Learning
• Nonviolence

To enlarge, click on image (From Centre for Contemplative Dialogue, Steve Wirth)

Throughout our lives, we have learned how to defend ourselves: Stand up for your rights; Protect yourself; Don't let anyone hurt you.  Now don't get me wrong: it is important to develop a healthy self-image.  But, I wonder, by building up barriers to defend and protect, am I missing out on the richness beyond those barriers or boundaries?  Have I isolated myself from the goodness of the other person and what could be achieved for the common good?

I am discovering that the practice of Contemplative Dialogue calls me to:

• Notice when I am limiting interactions by defending myself and my beliefs;
• Move toward nondefendedness, allowing freedom and choice to emerge for myself and others; and
• Seek nonviolent and compassionate ways to interact.

It is as if my defended behavior is separating me from what could be.  It also seems to limit who we could become.  Why do I try to control the outcomes?  Compete with you to win?  Not listen to the truths that you have experienced?  The Nondefeneded Learning stance asks that I burst through that crust of individualism and isolation, moving out of that dark world to experience a new life where we work together, seek new solutions, and allow the freedom of shared outcomes to emerge. 

Questions I sit with when contemplating this nondefended stance:

• What am I defending?  And why?
• Why am I protecting myself from you?
• Am I willing to become vulnerable, allowing the seeds of our shared truths to see the light and emerge into new life for both of us?

May your journey through this day be filled with many beautiful people and experiences, ones that will challenge growth and allow the freedom to become!

Larry Gardepie